Harvard Students Protest Latin Minimum Word Count Requirements

CAMBRIDGE - Harvard University faculty are up in arms over a student-led rebellion to minimum word count requirements in the Ivy League school’s Department of Classics.

Students plot their dope Latin rap battles

Distressed over the faculty’s insistence that papers written in Latin be at least 1,500 words long, students have engaged in a variety of so-called rebellious acts to protest the minimum word count.

Such acts have included handing in papers with “casus belli” repeated hundreds of times, intentionally misspelling “coitus interruptus” as “coitus dysfunctionus,” and even drawing phallic shaped images that depict penises wearing Roman togas.

“Sic semper tyrannis!” exclaimed Brutus Booth, Pope Professor of the Latin Language and Literature at the highly esteemed university. “This is the greatest travesty to befall American education since the Kent State shootings,” added Booth.

Hailed as one of the foremost institutions for studying classic literature in both Greek and Latin, Harvard administrators have threatened students with expulsion if the protests persist.

“We will fall upon them as the Romans did on Carthage,” explained Department of Classics Chair Romulus Caesar, who has reportedly taken a fondness to the depictions of penises wearing togas.

Caesar denied the allegations, despite one of the phallic drawn images hanging just feet away on the wall beside his desk.

Although no students were willing to speak on the record about the ongoing protests, one young woman majoring in Classics promised that if reforms are not made immediately in her department, “Today it’s Latin, but tomorrow it’s Greek…”

Note: This is very clearly satirical. Please... just read, laugh, possibly share, and carry on with your existence. Thanks.